FRIDAY THE 13TH

OOF.

Slept in until seven and still didn't want to wake up. If I had a working phone, I might've called in sick. (Actually, I wouldn't have...BUT I WAS TIRED.)

It's silly what I get upset over. Gave a guy 50 cents, then regretted it because I wanted a bagel and a paper this morning and didn't want to break a twenty to buy both.

1. I'm a bleeding heart, but I'm sure the guy needed the money more than me
2. I didn't need a bagel
3. I didn't need a paper either

I did buy the bagel though...

I finished my Nana's scarf. I cheated a little. Got help from a friend, didn't finish it "correctly", but it doesn't look too bad. I hope she gets it before St. Patty's Day and likes it.

Work wasn't too bad. Went to the Mishka flagship opening on Broadway (in Brooklyn today). It was neat, but maybe I'm just too old for that shit.

Hung out with my roomie. We went to eat hamburgers...because we love hamburgers. I know. It's Lent. No meat on Fridays. But I did it. We had fun catching up and some other friends showed up unexpectedly. So we hung out and chatted and made a night of it. Her schedule's been crazy. She has been flying cross country every few days for work. Sounds intense. She says I look good and the weight drop is totally noticeable.

We then came home and caught up on an office episode. That's all we did. I had to go to sleep in order to wake up to go to my run tomorrow.

I went to Weight Watchers again this morning. I'm down to 194 lbs. I'm stunned. I feel good but it's taken a lot of work. I'VE BEEN BUSTING MY ASS. The funny thing is - - I feel like I look decent in clothes. Unclothed...totally different story. I want to look like I'm in a P90X infomercial (http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/p90x.do?code=P90XDOTCOM)
Still. I'm making progress. As cliche as it sounds - - I am making it happen...

What my friends said about running (/training for) the Boston Marathon:

Hey man,Thanks! It was pretty wild to actually do it. What are you up to these days? That's cool that you've run a marathon! Did you do it in NYC or Houston? Don't knock your time - just finishing is a big deal. I finished my first one in 5 hours and was very happy. I never planned or even dreamt of being able to qualify for Boston, but each year I worked a little harder and gradually improved on what I'd done before, and somehow I managed to do it. I wrote about my run in my blog:(DELETED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT) Anyway, to give you a serious answer to a serious question, I think it just comes down to training and committment. Did you follow any sort of training schedule when you ran before? If you'd like I can send you one I made for a friend who ran her first marathon last year and second this year, and is still around the 5-hour time but improving and enjoying it.I try to run at least 4-5 days a week all year round. I usually start a training schedule about 4-5 months before the marathon, and it basically consists of a short, medium and short run during the week, then a long run on the weekend, and sometimes an extra short run on the weekend if I have time or feel like it, which usually doesn't happen to be honest. The long runs start at just a little more distance than the medium runs and gradually build every weekend until I'm doing 18-20 mile runs. Two weeks before the marathon I start to taper those back down.I've been using that basic format each year, and then kind of bumping up the distance of my short and medium runs slightly each year, as I grow comfortable with them. When I started, my short and medium runs were 3 & 5 miles, and now they're 6 & 8 miles.Another thing I tried this year which I think really helped was doing some light strength training. I fucking hate doing sit-ups and push-ups, but I've read that your overall core fitness helps with distance running, so I tried to do some of those 2 or 3 times a week. Sometimes I felt like I was exercising nearly every day, which was really annoying, but it doesn't really take much time to do a few sit-ups and push-ups, so I just tried to force myself to do them, and I do think it helped.Anyway, I hope that helps. I don't think I'm a hard-core fitness dude, but somehow I really took to running. I don't belong to a gym or anything. It's kind of embarassing talking about exercising so much, but since you asked, I wanted to give you a straight-up answer. Here's another blog post where I talk about my first forrays into running and how embarassed about it I was: (DELETED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT) Maybe you'll relate. Anyway, good to hear from you Sean! Good luck with the running!

I would actually like to go see him run it this year. He lives in California and I haven't seen him in a few years. As he mentions, he was never known as a runner (or an athlete, for that matter...) Qualifying for Boston is huge.

My roommate is back today, but only for the weekend. She's been traveling for work. I didn't see her though. She went out and I stayed home and did what I do best: watch the Office and 30 Rock while knitting. I finished the scarf I'm sending to my Nana. Well, as much as I can finish. My co-worker will have to help me "finish" it. I don't know how to complete it.

BITING MY NAILS AGAIN

WEDNESDAY. HUMP DAY.

Biting my nails again. Actually, I haven't stopped. It's just a gross, bad habit - and, like anything else bad for me, it's hard to stop. I will continue with giving up such a nasty habit, but it's really the least of my worries.

What I probably should be worried about is blood in my urine. Yep. After my run tonight, I had bloodpiss. I've had before (in August?), so it wasn't as alarming as the first time it happened. Plus - the first time it happened, it was painful. That said...while I know it should be cause for some concern, I almost see it as a rite of passage (as crazy as that sounds). See - to me - I associate bloody pee with ultrarunners. After reading about all the running greats that do fifty, or a hundred plus miles at a time having blood in their urine - - I see it as some "next level" type shit. I've arrived!

Seeing blood in your urine can cause more than a little anxiety. Yet blood in urine — known medically as hematuria — isn't always a matter for concern. Strenuous exercise can cause blood in urine, for instance. So can a number of common drugs, including aspirin. But urinary bleeding can also indicate a serious disorder.

There are two types of blood in urine. Blood that you can see is called gross hematuria. Urinary blood that's visible only under a microscope is known as microscopic hematuria and is found when your doctor tests your urine for another condition. Either way, it's important to determine the reason for the bleeding.
Treatment depends on the underlying cause. Blood in urine caused by exercise usually goes away on its own in a day or two, but other problems often require medical care.

SOME DAYS ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS

Some days are better than others. It's a given. Of course, that doesn't mean I should just give up. Inspiration. Motivation. Will Power. Determination. All that good shit.

Woke up on the wrong side of bed. My phone died. Like, DEAD. Work was weird. Our boss is restructuring our duties. She did that in January. I'm good at what I do. Just let me do it...

More food, less exercise = fat

I ran after work. While it wasn't the ten miles I had planned to do (I forgot my socks), it was a good, fast run. Like, sub 9:30 min./miles. (That's fast for me...) It's easier to run fast when everybody at the gym is running faster than you.

Today was officially the one year anniversary at my job. I've made it a year. Many ups and downs. It's been kinda down, since we got the new veep. We can't figure out what she's thinking and/or doing. It's scary at times. Will she get rid of us all?

Anyway, this is a good time to ponder and reminisce over the last year - the good and the bad:

first, the bad..
LOWLIGHTS

Push myself too hard/Too hard on myself
Went out with a dumb girl
The dumb girl broke up with me
Didn't get to take any classes (money is an issue...)
MONEY IS ALWAYS AN ISSUE!
Didn't lose as much weight as I wanted
General, non-focus issues
Sent my dogs off :(
Anxiety (social, etc..)
Rarely attended Weight Watcher's meetings
Didn't live up to my potential
Didn't I mention I was hard on myself?

and now for the good...
HIGHLIGHTS

ATP!!!
Rode in the NYC Century
Trips to Chicago (twice!), L.A., Philly, Olympia/Seattle, Houston
Started eating better/joined Weight Watchers
Joined NYRR
Joined an awesome gym
Ran a marathon (w/my twin!)
Found the woman of my dreams
Got a great job (brought on staff!)
Bought a plush new bed
Learned how to live without [BUYING] things

If I really think about it, even the bad is good. Especially with things the way they are (economy, daily craziness), I have nothing to be down about. That being said...this will be a good year.

The best is yet to come.

I SHALL NOT BE MOVED

Woke up at 3am. It's usually much easier to wake up at early at the beginning of the week.
Did push-ups. Would, at least, like to incorporate push-ups and core exercises into my routine. I should seriously start doing weights though. Get it together!

Ate some bullshit for breakfast (my favorite: sausage, egg and cheese on an English muffin), but it won't happen again this week...

Not that I've lost that much weight., but a lot of my clothes are ill-fitting....and have food stains. The old me. I want new clothes!

So many things I want to do and see - and it all cost money! TONIGHT: Kristen Wiig!!! Too expensive...

I need to save it for a later date. Speaking of which - I bought a ticket to ABQ today. Awesome.

Many good things to come!!!

Lazy Sunday.
Daylight savings threw my whole day off. I don't know how I forgot I was losing an hour, when I had it written down in three places.

Again, another day of doing practically nothing. Sometimes I just can't get my shit together. I finally made it out of the house at 5:00 to go pick up my laundry and buy groceries. The laundry lady made fun of my load. It was small and I probably could've washed it myself. The thing is, I hate washing laundry. It would be one thing if I had a washer in dryer in my place - but I do not. Most of the time, it's just worth the money (to me) to have someone else do it.

So, I just knitted and watched TV again. I finally got to watching Netflix. I watched Snow Buddies (a, dare I say, cute Disney movie in the Air Bud vein) and Crazy Love (an insane documentary. Basic synopsis: Sixteen years after Linda Riss has acid thrown in her face by Burt Pagach, the couple marry. CRAYCRAY) I then watched Rock of Love and the season finale of Tool Academy. I got a lot of knitting done. Of course, I'm no Brooklyn Tweed (http://brooklyntweed.blogspot.com/). Someday!

While I did get some stuff done, I still didn't workout. So, to me, it was a wasted weekend.

Every minute I'm not working out feels like every minute I'm getting fatter. It sucks, but that's life. I just have to get it together. Don't lose faith.

I haven't slept in, in what seems, quite a while. Was going to wake up and go to the gym, but my warm, new bed felt so good this morning. Of course, that meant I didn't do or want to do anything all morning. You know: buy groceries, laundry, clean, wash dishes...the stuff that needed to get done.

There are days (especially during the weekend) where I feel like I'm standing still; in limbo. I just can't seem to get off my ass and do anything. While I didn't work out, I did go into the city to meet some old friends that I haven't seen in a while. It wasn't all that much fun, but I did get to walk around Tribeca and the West Village and dream of moving. There definitely is a part of me that wants to live in the city. I hate commuting. But I do love Brooklyn. Give and take, I guess...

Was also planning on going to an art show, maybe church, and see an old friend's band play. I didn't make it out of the house. I took a nap, watched TV, and knitted up a storm. Quiet night.

AS AN ASIDE -

Now, on top of my itunes being silly - my printer no longer works. I'm sure it's an easy fix...to someone that's computer literate.

TGIF

I couldn't wake up this morning. Or rather, I didn't wake up this morning. It's hard for me. I'm not a morning person. That said - it's a choice. If I had a job that started at 5 AM, Lord knows that I would wake up early enough to get there. I had two early jobs (serving breakfast) where I had to be at work early. I was never late. Why can't I treat exercise the same way? Why can't it just be like clock work? I want it to be routine. So important to me that I never miss it. Like Goggins.

Please...don't waste your weekend. Do it up! Ten mile run in Central Park, or whatever. Just keep moving. Hell...exercise in the morning and at night. Start riding your bike next week, as well. It's warming up and will be beautiful.

I will say that I finished off the week with a great run. That's right -- I went to the gym after work and ran 6 miles in one hour (or 10 minutes per mile). It was fairly difficult but I stuck with it and did it. I was proud of myself. I can't wait to see in two weeks how far I've come...

All and all, a good week. Just keep it up.
CAN'T STOP, WON'T STOP.

I'm taking the day off from exercising today. As much as I'm afraid of taking a day off, I NEED it. My co-workers are going out to a bar to celebrate someone's birthday. $20 - all you can drink. That's the last thing I need or want right now.

I really wanted to do nothing this weekend. Turns out, there's another "friend" in town. Drats! This will be the fourth weekend in a row where someone's been in town. Not into it.

I've been so out of it at work lately; it's hard for me to concentrate. What is it? What is my problem? I feel like I have ADD or OCD or something else that ends in a "D". Seriously, I can't focus. Maybe I need Ritalin (or Adderall).

Sorry my thoughts are all over the place. I finished the first half of a scarf I'm knitting.

30 Rock is still the best show on TV. WHO DAT NINJA.

That is all for today.

GOOD NIGHT!

Weight Watchers Wednesday

So, I woke up this morning and got on the scale. Reads: 198lbs. Can this be right?

Weight watchers. I joined WW at the beginning of September of 2008 to, hopefully, help me take off some weight...especially since I wanted to get my weight down for the Philly Marathon. I started on September 2nd at 216.4lbs. I lost, but wasn't consistent with my meal plan....

Truth of the matter is - I don't like going. It pains me that I have to get on a scale in front of someone (other than myself) to keep myself accountable. I can't be honest with myself, I guess. I seem to rationalize pizza and beer and hamburgers and chili, et al...when I know it's not a good idea EVERY NIGHT. It's called moderation and I'm not very good at it. I tend to overeat all the wrong food!

It's just that it's hard to sit in a meeting with a bunch of overweight women talking about how much they love chocolate. (More than sex? I think not...) I mean, I have issues - but it's hard for me to relate to these people. Also, there are usually no men in the meeting. Very few, if at all. And usually they're gay. Yes, I can tell. Anyway, so - it's hard for me to go. That being said - I need to just do it. Bite the bullet. This is for me, myself and I.

So, here I am...March 4th, 2009. I'm going to start going (again). It's a pain, but it's worth it. I just need to be consistent. Didn't stay for the meeting, but I weighed in at 197.2lbs. I haven't weighed under 200lbs. in ten years. Five years ago I was 260. I've come a long way. I remember having a personal trainer in 2003 and just wanting to die. I even told my dad that I was addicted to pizza. I was managing a movie theater and couldn't stop eating popcorn and chocolate-cover almonds and drinking loads (gallons?) of Cherry Coke. Fast forward to 2009 and I don't do those things anymore. I've dropped 4.6 pounds since (the last time I went to Weight Watchers on) December 10th. Granted, I'm inconsistent and I've probably lost and gained that same weight twenty times over again. Still, I'm headed in the right direction. Keep doing what you're doing. You're on the right path.

I SHALL PREVAIL!

WHAT WOULD GOGGINS DO?

I would like to attempt or mimic this workout - as closely as possible - without dying from exhaustion. This being the legendary daily workout routine of insane Navy SEAL and ultramarathoner, David Goggins. Did I mention he was insane? Anyway, when I can barely run five miles, I try to think of this. Sometimes it actually helps and I push through...

Anyway, it was 13 degrees outside this morning and snow and ice are still on the ground. Although Goggins would still probably ride his bike, I decided not to - for fear of crashing and breaking my neck. As a matter of fact, I actually know someone that just recently broke their ankle by slipping on ice. IT'S DANGEROUS OUT THERE. The thing is, David lives in sunny California and doesn't really have to worry about inclement weather. I, however, do. I want to be a badass, but not at the risk of risking my own health.

I finished the Last Lecture on Sunday, so I started Eugene Mirman's The Will to Whatevs: A Guide to Modern Life. Shit is deep. Too deep. It's written in his non-sensical voice and it's hard to follow when you're on the train. I need a lighter fare while I'm sitting next to screaming babies and people that listen to their ipods WAY TOO LOUD. Although super hilarious, it's just one of those books where you have to read a sentence or paragraph more than once to get an understanding of what he's saying -- or trying to say. Like Tolstoy. Or Joyce. (I've read neither...for that exact reason.) Instead I started reading Rejected: Tales of the Failed, Dumped, and Canceled instead. It's writers from SNL, The Daily Show, Kids in Hall, etc. that have come together and share their stories of failed works that never made to air.

From the intro:

Rejection can and should be your ally. No matter what kind of work or art you do, no one can tell you that what you have is not good enough. Only YOU can say when you have failed. Each level of success opens up a whole new set of rejections and failures that we have to face. The cycle never ends, but we can find ways to adjust with each new experience.

SNOW DAY

As much as I wanted to ride my bike to work...today was not the day to do so. Funny thing is, most people stayed home anyway. Could I have stayed home too? Probably. I probably should've too, but it really doesn't matter now.

All and all, though, I had a great day. Ran five miles before AND after work (ten miles!). I ate well. I got shit done. What more could I really ask for...

March Madness: NEW LIFE

THE IDES OF MARCH ARE UPON US...
This is it! GIT-R-DUN!

I ran in the Coogans Classic 5K this morning...snow and all. It was a fun "race". The race was in Washington Heights (made famous by the musical, "The Heights"). It was an out and back coarse, which was kinda frustrating because we could only use one half of the road. It was crowded and hard getting around the slower people. All 6,000 of them. I bettered my time by more than three minutes, or a minute per mile faster than last week's 5k. A sub 30 minute 3.1 miles. Not too shabby.
I'm all about these races because it is making me do what I should be doing anyway. What I have gotten up at 5:30 to run this morning, had it not been for the race? Most likely not.

After that, I went to work, the gym, lunch with an old friend (whom I hadn't seen in over ten years), back to work and the gym, and had dinner with some more old friends (whom I hadn't seen in about three years).

Guh...but it's snowing. They're are mentioning the word "blizzard" when talking about tomorrow. (I could go for a DQ Blizzard right now...) Still, I feel like I will have a good week this week. GIT-R-DUN!

Oh god, its raining
But Im not complaining
Its filling me upWith new life
The stars in the sky
Bring tears to my eyes
Theyre lighting my way
Tonight
And I havent felt so alive
In years

Saturday...what to do? Goto the Apollo Theater tour? (...last day of Black History Month!) Go see a movie? Just stay home and watch Netflix? So many options and so little time.

I woke up this morning and weighed 205. Not too shabby. I got down all the way to 203 this week, but I had an Indian lunch buffet to celebrate a co-worker's birthday yesterday with no workout. It happens. I would love to be under 200 by Monday, but I won't be bothered if I'm not (...as long as I keep working at it and losing weight). 7.5lbs. is a lot of weight to lose in a week. Maybe too much. That's some Biggest Loser shit right there. The average (i.e. realistic) weight to lose PER WEEK is one to two pounds. And, supposedly, the slower you lose it - the better chance you have keeping it all off. I lost almost four times that amount. Crazy. I just don't want to lose it just to gain it back. I've done it before. NEVER AGAIN! Can I please get to, at least, 190 before I'm 35? Each year, before my birthday, my biggest birthday wish is to not be fat on my birthday. Of course, I have the whole year to get lose the weight...but it's totally apparent when birthday month rolls around.

I wrote this to two friends today:

Sorry to take time out of your busy schedule of work and family life - BUT -
As someone who's qualified for the Boston Marathon, what would your suggestion be for someone who would like to qualify and can only run a 5 hour 30 minute marathon? I don't care how long it takes to qualify. I can be 50 years old. I've got time. Yes, I'm asking you...
How do I get down from 12:00 minute miles to 7:30? Any help would be much appreciated. ThanksP.S. I'm serious.
Hope all is well!

I know it's not about being better off than others. It's all about dealing with my own issues and making my own life better. However, when I read stuff like this

(http://health.msn.com/weight-loss/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100233408&GT1=31036) I feel a little bit better about myself. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I'm shallow like that...

Before I shout out the lights, I leave the world with this:

There's only one thing that I know how to do well
And I've often been told that you only can do
What you know how to do well
And that's be you
Be what you're like
Be like yourself

(After 20 plus years, I still love TMBG...)

UGH.

So, my MetroCard sometimes takes a few times to scan. Today, I swiped it a million times before it finally said, "just used." FUCK OFF.

Next week I'm riding my bike to work. I don't care if it's supposed to snow.

MTA can suck my balls. Delays. Shitty service. Sorry. I just had to say it. Get it out of my system...

Ok. It's over. I'm done.

What I'm giving up for Lent:

Sugar
Beer (don't know if it really counts, as it was already mentioned before)
Pray more/goto church - last year I was going to pray the rosary for Lent and lasted two days.

Sorry for losing it at MTA, God.

LENT IS IN THE AIR

So...I woke up this morning to some disturbing news. I checked my bank account and I'm now $386 in the hole. Yikes. Normally this shit would eat away at me, but I'm taking it all in stride. This would usually put a damper on my day...hell, my week...to the point where I couldn't think about anything else. I used to say, "this, too, shall pass" - but I'm not sure I totally believed it. I was like, "SERENITY NOW". It might help that I have a new outlook on life. I have a special woman in my life, for one. I've also been reading The Last Lecture. It's gripping in that it's a professor who died last year of cancer and knew that he was going to die. So, he gave his last lecture on life. I was almost reduced to tears this morning, when I was reading chapter 17, "A New Year's Story". It's about when he and his wife had their first child on New Year's Eve and she had to be rushed to the emergency room due to "placenta abrupta". The words that struck me the most were at the end of the chapter...

Through the whole ordeal, I don't think we ever said to each other: "This isn't fair." WE JUST KEPT GOING. We recognized that there were things we could do that might help the outcome in positive ways...and we did them. Without saying it in words, our attitude was, "Let's saddle up and ride."

I just have to saddle up and ride. Positivity! It's all about having the right attitude and perspective. Anyway, the book is mainly him talking about living out your childhood dreams. While I can't remember what I did five minutes ago, much less what I was thinking at the age of five...I can tell you I've always wanted to be a runner, cyclist, and/or triathlete. So, here are some of my (many) dreams:

• Boston Marathon http://www.bostonmarathon.org/BostonMarathon/113thMarathon.asp


• NYC Marathon http://www.nycmarathon.org/


• Pike's Peak Marathon http://www.pikespeakmarathon.org/


• Great Wall of China Marathon http://www.great-wall-marathon.com/


• Western States 100 http://ws100.com/


• Kona Ironman http://ironman.com/


• Badwater http://www.badwater.com/


• RAAM http://www.raceacrossamerica.org/subwebraam/default.php?N_webcat_id=1


• 50 States Marathon Club http://www.50statesmarathonclub.com/50dc/index.html


• Manhattan Island Marathon Swim http://www.nycswim.org/Event/Event.aspx?Event_ID=1902

and last but not least...

• Decatriathlon World Challenge http://www.multisport.com.mx/deca2008/index.html

As you can see...I dream big. And I dream a lot. These are just a tiny few of my many dreams. But here's my big question though: How do I turn these dreams into goals? AND, more importantly...How do I turn these goals into reality? I'm not sure if I have the answer(s), but I'm on the journey to find out.

ASH WEDNESDAY

A tinge of Catholic guilt set in today. I did not go to church as planned. Especially since my Nana goes to check an initial check up tomorrow before she goes in for surgery on Monday. I was going to go during lunch, but went to the gym instead. I said I would go after work, but instead, went to see Lonely Island at the Virgin Megastore. I think I was the only person there above age thirteen. I then went to the gym and ran five miles (@ a slow pace of 5 mph, or 12 minute/miles). It was sad for the fact that it was more difficult than I imagined (especially with no headphones). Still. I did it. ON A BOAT.

I'll have to figure out what I'm giving up for Lent...other than being fat.

until then...

ASALAMALAKIM.

FAT TUESDAY

Mardi Gras. Normally, I would give myself any excuse to overindulge...especially on a day where it's expected. And yet - I weighed 204 lbs. this morning and I've been given a new perspective. Don't give up while I'm ahead. Seems like it was just Saturday when I was 212.5 lbs. -- and it was! Not that today wasn't rough. I had my battles:

• I'm a retard when it comes to computers. For some reason, I lost some of my songs on itunes when I tried to help upload some songs on my roomie's ipod. Well, last night it erased some songs on my ipod - - and now I don't have the tracks. This made me want to drink, but made me want how to learn how to use a computer more.



• My Nana is going into the hospital on Monday for heart problems. This upsets me. It upsets me more because I know that it upsets my mom. Bummed.



• I went to pay my credit card bill. Went to take the money out and the ATM read "temporarily unavailable". So, I went to another ATM and got the money. Problem is, when I checked my account, my bank thinks I withdrew money twice. I went to my bank and they said it should work itself out in 48 hours. FUCK THAT. That helps me none. Right now it pretty says I basically have no money WHEN I SHOULD. No thank you, dumb bank tellers.
  

So, those were the stresses that usually drive me to drink/overeat. Thing is: I didn't. Might not seem a big accomplishment...but it was. One small step for my day. One giant step for my life.

Now, if I could only learn to use a computer. Hell, I can't even write a blog.

So, I had a good weekend in terms of exercising and being steadfast in my goals. I ran both days, consumed no alcohol and ate really well. Not too shabby. I'll tell you, hopefully, more about it later. My results of a fun run posted above. EYES ON THE PRIZE.

As of today, I have 35 days until my 35th birthday. Here are a few things that I would like to accomplish (or, at the very least, attempt):

• Lose some weight. I currently weigh 212.5 lbs. this fluctuates drastically from week to week, as if I'm constantly on my period - or something wack-a-doo like that. Even in 2009 (all two months of it) I've weighed anywhere from 202.5 to 215.5. It's truly a roller coaster ride. I would not only like to get below 200, but eclipse my wildest dreams...whatever they may be. Can I be 155 lbs.? It's hard to tell. All I know is that my BMI right now tells me that I'm morbidly obese (that's funny...I don't feel like I look or feel that bad) and I pretty much have to be under 170lbs. to be considered "normal".


• Stop biting my nails. It's gross.


• Not drink so much. Or so regularly. Or so much, so regularly. I'm not an alcoholic (by any means), but - like food - I use alcohol for the good times AND the bad. I seem to drink as much when I'm stressed as I do when I'm happy and celebrating. It's a crutch I need not depend on anymore. I haven't had a drop since last monday at dinner (when i went out with friends). while I only had two, I had plenty the day prior. Just one is never just one with me. That being said, I plan on having no alcohol until my birthday -- with maybe one exception being St. Patrick's Day. THAT'S THE DAY OF MY PEOPLES. Still. moderation is key. As much I love fatty foods, I love heavy beer(s) just as much...if not more. My life is the "this is why you're fat" blog (http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/). I've lived it. Done it. Seen it. Taken it as far as I could. I don't want that life anymore.


• I would like to run, swim, bike...hell, just exercise more. Hell. Just move more. I started taking the stairs at work this past week. Really? Should it be that hard for me to walk up nine floors? I want to be a more active person. I have dreams of running Badwater (http://www.badwater.com/). But how can you dream it, if you don't live it? There has to be a process to get from A to B.

There are plenty others. My list is never-ending. Or should I say lists. (I have dog lists, personal finance lists, book lists, etc..) But this is just the beginning. Right now, I feel, this should be a priority. I SHOULD BE A PRIORITY. It all starts with one step in the right direction.

NEW DAY!

I have a big day ahead of me...runs, work, getting shit together. I'll tell you all about it later, but it's going to be awesome! NO TURNING BACK.

THE START OF A NEW LIFE

FOR REALS. NO MORE BULLSHIT.
game got real, son.