FRIDAY THE 13TH

OOF.

Slept in until seven and still didn't want to wake up. If I had a working phone, I might've called in sick. (Actually, I wouldn't have...BUT I WAS TIRED.)

It's silly what I get upset over. Gave a guy 50 cents, then regretted it because I wanted a bagel and a paper this morning and didn't want to break a twenty to buy both.

1. I'm a bleeding heart, but I'm sure the guy needed the money more than me
2. I didn't need a bagel
3. I didn't need a paper either

I did buy the bagel though...

I finished my Nana's scarf. I cheated a little. Got help from a friend, didn't finish it "correctly", but it doesn't look too bad. I hope she gets it before St. Patty's Day and likes it.

Work wasn't too bad. Went to the Mishka flagship opening on Broadway (in Brooklyn today). It was neat, but maybe I'm just too old for that shit.

Hung out with my roomie. We went to eat hamburgers...because we love hamburgers. I know. It's Lent. No meat on Fridays. But I did it. We had fun catching up and some other friends showed up unexpectedly. So we hung out and chatted and made a night of it. Her schedule's been crazy. She has been flying cross country every few days for work. Sounds intense. She says I look good and the weight drop is totally noticeable.

We then came home and caught up on an office episode. That's all we did. I had to go to sleep in order to wake up to go to my run tomorrow.

I went to Weight Watchers again this morning. I'm down to 194 lbs. I'm stunned. I feel good but it's taken a lot of work. I'VE BEEN BUSTING MY ASS. The funny thing is - - I feel like I look decent in clothes. Unclothed...totally different story. I want to look like I'm in a P90X infomercial (http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/p90x.do?code=P90XDOTCOM)
Still. I'm making progress. As cliche as it sounds - - I am making it happen...

What my friends said about running (/training for) the Boston Marathon:

Hey man,Thanks! It was pretty wild to actually do it. What are you up to these days? That's cool that you've run a marathon! Did you do it in NYC or Houston? Don't knock your time - just finishing is a big deal. I finished my first one in 5 hours and was very happy. I never planned or even dreamt of being able to qualify for Boston, but each year I worked a little harder and gradually improved on what I'd done before, and somehow I managed to do it. I wrote about my run in my blog:(DELETED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT) Anyway, to give you a serious answer to a serious question, I think it just comes down to training and committment. Did you follow any sort of training schedule when you ran before? If you'd like I can send you one I made for a friend who ran her first marathon last year and second this year, and is still around the 5-hour time but improving and enjoying it.I try to run at least 4-5 days a week all year round. I usually start a training schedule about 4-5 months before the marathon, and it basically consists of a short, medium and short run during the week, then a long run on the weekend, and sometimes an extra short run on the weekend if I have time or feel like it, which usually doesn't happen to be honest. The long runs start at just a little more distance than the medium runs and gradually build every weekend until I'm doing 18-20 mile runs. Two weeks before the marathon I start to taper those back down.I've been using that basic format each year, and then kind of bumping up the distance of my short and medium runs slightly each year, as I grow comfortable with them. When I started, my short and medium runs were 3 & 5 miles, and now they're 6 & 8 miles.Another thing I tried this year which I think really helped was doing some light strength training. I fucking hate doing sit-ups and push-ups, but I've read that your overall core fitness helps with distance running, so I tried to do some of those 2 or 3 times a week. Sometimes I felt like I was exercising nearly every day, which was really annoying, but it doesn't really take much time to do a few sit-ups and push-ups, so I just tried to force myself to do them, and I do think it helped.Anyway, I hope that helps. I don't think I'm a hard-core fitness dude, but somehow I really took to running. I don't belong to a gym or anything. It's kind of embarassing talking about exercising so much, but since you asked, I wanted to give you a straight-up answer. Here's another blog post where I talk about my first forrays into running and how embarassed about it I was: (DELETED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT) Maybe you'll relate. Anyway, good to hear from you Sean! Good luck with the running!

I would actually like to go see him run it this year. He lives in California and I haven't seen him in a few years. As he mentions, he was never known as a runner (or an athlete, for that matter...) Qualifying for Boston is huge.

My roommate is back today, but only for the weekend. She's been traveling for work. I didn't see her though. She went out and I stayed home and did what I do best: watch the Office and 30 Rock while knitting. I finished the scarf I'm sending to my Nana. Well, as much as I can finish. My co-worker will have to help me "finish" it. I don't know how to complete it.

BITING MY NAILS AGAIN

WEDNESDAY. HUMP DAY.

Biting my nails again. Actually, I haven't stopped. It's just a gross, bad habit - and, like anything else bad for me, it's hard to stop. I will continue with giving up such a nasty habit, but it's really the least of my worries.

What I probably should be worried about is blood in my urine. Yep. After my run tonight, I had bloodpiss. I've had before (in August?), so it wasn't as alarming as the first time it happened. Plus - the first time it happened, it was painful. That said...while I know it should be cause for some concern, I almost see it as a rite of passage (as crazy as that sounds). See - to me - I associate bloody pee with ultrarunners. After reading about all the running greats that do fifty, or a hundred plus miles at a time having blood in their urine - - I see it as some "next level" type shit. I've arrived!

Seeing blood in your urine can cause more than a little anxiety. Yet blood in urine — known medically as hematuria — isn't always a matter for concern. Strenuous exercise can cause blood in urine, for instance. So can a number of common drugs, including aspirin. But urinary bleeding can also indicate a serious disorder.

There are two types of blood in urine. Blood that you can see is called gross hematuria. Urinary blood that's visible only under a microscope is known as microscopic hematuria and is found when your doctor tests your urine for another condition. Either way, it's important to determine the reason for the bleeding.
Treatment depends on the underlying cause. Blood in urine caused by exercise usually goes away on its own in a day or two, but other problems often require medical care.

SOME DAYS ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS

Some days are better than others. It's a given. Of course, that doesn't mean I should just give up. Inspiration. Motivation. Will Power. Determination. All that good shit.

Woke up on the wrong side of bed. My phone died. Like, DEAD. Work was weird. Our boss is restructuring our duties. She did that in January. I'm good at what I do. Just let me do it...

More food, less exercise = fat

I ran after work. While it wasn't the ten miles I had planned to do (I forgot my socks), it was a good, fast run. Like, sub 9:30 min./miles. (That's fast for me...) It's easier to run fast when everybody at the gym is running faster than you.

Today was officially the one year anniversary at my job. I've made it a year. Many ups and downs. It's been kinda down, since we got the new veep. We can't figure out what she's thinking and/or doing. It's scary at times. Will she get rid of us all?

Anyway, this is a good time to ponder and reminisce over the last year - the good and the bad:

first, the bad..
LOWLIGHTS

Push myself too hard/Too hard on myself
Went out with a dumb girl
The dumb girl broke up with me
Didn't get to take any classes (money is an issue...)
MONEY IS ALWAYS AN ISSUE!
Didn't lose as much weight as I wanted
General, non-focus issues
Sent my dogs off :(
Anxiety (social, etc..)
Rarely attended Weight Watcher's meetings
Didn't live up to my potential
Didn't I mention I was hard on myself?

and now for the good...
HIGHLIGHTS

ATP!!!
Rode in the NYC Century
Trips to Chicago (twice!), L.A., Philly, Olympia/Seattle, Houston
Started eating better/joined Weight Watchers
Joined NYRR
Joined an awesome gym
Ran a marathon (w/my twin!)
Found the woman of my dreams
Got a great job (brought on staff!)
Bought a plush new bed
Learned how to live without [BUYING] things

If I really think about it, even the bad is good. Especially with things the way they are (economy, daily craziness), I have nothing to be down about. That being said...this will be a good year.

The best is yet to come.

I SHALL NOT BE MOVED

Woke up at 3am. It's usually much easier to wake up at early at the beginning of the week.
Did push-ups. Would, at least, like to incorporate push-ups and core exercises into my routine. I should seriously start doing weights though. Get it together!

Ate some bullshit for breakfast (my favorite: sausage, egg and cheese on an English muffin), but it won't happen again this week...

Not that I've lost that much weight., but a lot of my clothes are ill-fitting....and have food stains. The old me. I want new clothes!

So many things I want to do and see - and it all cost money! TONIGHT: Kristen Wiig!!! Too expensive...

I need to save it for a later date. Speaking of which - I bought a ticket to ABQ today. Awesome.

Many good things to come!!!

Lazy Sunday.
Daylight savings threw my whole day off. I don't know how I forgot I was losing an hour, when I had it written down in three places.

Again, another day of doing practically nothing. Sometimes I just can't get my shit together. I finally made it out of the house at 5:00 to go pick up my laundry and buy groceries. The laundry lady made fun of my load. It was small and I probably could've washed it myself. The thing is, I hate washing laundry. It would be one thing if I had a washer in dryer in my place - but I do not. Most of the time, it's just worth the money (to me) to have someone else do it.

So, I just knitted and watched TV again. I finally got to watching Netflix. I watched Snow Buddies (a, dare I say, cute Disney movie in the Air Bud vein) and Crazy Love (an insane documentary. Basic synopsis: Sixteen years after Linda Riss has acid thrown in her face by Burt Pagach, the couple marry. CRAYCRAY) I then watched Rock of Love and the season finale of Tool Academy. I got a lot of knitting done. Of course, I'm no Brooklyn Tweed (http://brooklyntweed.blogspot.com/). Someday!

While I did get some stuff done, I still didn't workout. So, to me, it was a wasted weekend.

Every minute I'm not working out feels like every minute I'm getting fatter. It sucks, but that's life. I just have to get it together. Don't lose faith.

I haven't slept in, in what seems, quite a while. Was going to wake up and go to the gym, but my warm, new bed felt so good this morning. Of course, that meant I didn't do or want to do anything all morning. You know: buy groceries, laundry, clean, wash dishes...the stuff that needed to get done.

There are days (especially during the weekend) where I feel like I'm standing still; in limbo. I just can't seem to get off my ass and do anything. While I didn't work out, I did go into the city to meet some old friends that I haven't seen in a while. It wasn't all that much fun, but I did get to walk around Tribeca and the West Village and dream of moving. There definitely is a part of me that wants to live in the city. I hate commuting. But I do love Brooklyn. Give and take, I guess...

Was also planning on going to an art show, maybe church, and see an old friend's band play. I didn't make it out of the house. I took a nap, watched TV, and knitted up a storm. Quiet night.

AS AN ASIDE -

Now, on top of my itunes being silly - my printer no longer works. I'm sure it's an easy fix...to someone that's computer literate.

TGIF

I couldn't wake up this morning. Or rather, I didn't wake up this morning. It's hard for me. I'm not a morning person. That said - it's a choice. If I had a job that started at 5 AM, Lord knows that I would wake up early enough to get there. I had two early jobs (serving breakfast) where I had to be at work early. I was never late. Why can't I treat exercise the same way? Why can't it just be like clock work? I want it to be routine. So important to me that I never miss it. Like Goggins.

Please...don't waste your weekend. Do it up! Ten mile run in Central Park, or whatever. Just keep moving. Hell...exercise in the morning and at night. Start riding your bike next week, as well. It's warming up and will be beautiful.

I will say that I finished off the week with a great run. That's right -- I went to the gym after work and ran 6 miles in one hour (or 10 minutes per mile). It was fairly difficult but I stuck with it and did it. I was proud of myself. I can't wait to see in two weeks how far I've come...

All and all, a good week. Just keep it up.
CAN'T STOP, WON'T STOP.

I'm taking the day off from exercising today. As much as I'm afraid of taking a day off, I NEED it. My co-workers are going out to a bar to celebrate someone's birthday. $20 - all you can drink. That's the last thing I need or want right now.

I really wanted to do nothing this weekend. Turns out, there's another "friend" in town. Drats! This will be the fourth weekend in a row where someone's been in town. Not into it.

I've been so out of it at work lately; it's hard for me to concentrate. What is it? What is my problem? I feel like I have ADD or OCD or something else that ends in a "D". Seriously, I can't focus. Maybe I need Ritalin (or Adderall).

Sorry my thoughts are all over the place. I finished the first half of a scarf I'm knitting.

30 Rock is still the best show on TV. WHO DAT NINJA.

That is all for today.

GOOD NIGHT!

Weight Watchers Wednesday

So, I woke up this morning and got on the scale. Reads: 198lbs. Can this be right?

Weight watchers. I joined WW at the beginning of September of 2008 to, hopefully, help me take off some weight...especially since I wanted to get my weight down for the Philly Marathon. I started on September 2nd at 216.4lbs. I lost, but wasn't consistent with my meal plan....

Truth of the matter is - I don't like going. It pains me that I have to get on a scale in front of someone (other than myself) to keep myself accountable. I can't be honest with myself, I guess. I seem to rationalize pizza and beer and hamburgers and chili, et al...when I know it's not a good idea EVERY NIGHT. It's called moderation and I'm not very good at it. I tend to overeat all the wrong food!

It's just that it's hard to sit in a meeting with a bunch of overweight women talking about how much they love chocolate. (More than sex? I think not...) I mean, I have issues - but it's hard for me to relate to these people. Also, there are usually no men in the meeting. Very few, if at all. And usually they're gay. Yes, I can tell. Anyway, so - it's hard for me to go. That being said - I need to just do it. Bite the bullet. This is for me, myself and I.

So, here I am...March 4th, 2009. I'm going to start going (again). It's a pain, but it's worth it. I just need to be consistent. Didn't stay for the meeting, but I weighed in at 197.2lbs. I haven't weighed under 200lbs. in ten years. Five years ago I was 260. I've come a long way. I remember having a personal trainer in 2003 and just wanting to die. I even told my dad that I was addicted to pizza. I was managing a movie theater and couldn't stop eating popcorn and chocolate-cover almonds and drinking loads (gallons?) of Cherry Coke. Fast forward to 2009 and I don't do those things anymore. I've dropped 4.6 pounds since (the last time I went to Weight Watchers on) December 10th. Granted, I'm inconsistent and I've probably lost and gained that same weight twenty times over again. Still, I'm headed in the right direction. Keep doing what you're doing. You're on the right path.

I SHALL PREVAIL!

WHAT WOULD GOGGINS DO?

I would like to attempt or mimic this workout - as closely as possible - without dying from exhaustion. This being the legendary daily workout routine of insane Navy SEAL and ultramarathoner, David Goggins. Did I mention he was insane? Anyway, when I can barely run five miles, I try to think of this. Sometimes it actually helps and I push through...

Anyway, it was 13 degrees outside this morning and snow and ice are still on the ground. Although Goggins would still probably ride his bike, I decided not to - for fear of crashing and breaking my neck. As a matter of fact, I actually know someone that just recently broke their ankle by slipping on ice. IT'S DANGEROUS OUT THERE. The thing is, David lives in sunny California and doesn't really have to worry about inclement weather. I, however, do. I want to be a badass, but not at the risk of risking my own health.

I finished the Last Lecture on Sunday, so I started Eugene Mirman's The Will to Whatevs: A Guide to Modern Life. Shit is deep. Too deep. It's written in his non-sensical voice and it's hard to follow when you're on the train. I need a lighter fare while I'm sitting next to screaming babies and people that listen to their ipods WAY TOO LOUD. Although super hilarious, it's just one of those books where you have to read a sentence or paragraph more than once to get an understanding of what he's saying -- or trying to say. Like Tolstoy. Or Joyce. (I've read neither...for that exact reason.) Instead I started reading Rejected: Tales of the Failed, Dumped, and Canceled instead. It's writers from SNL, The Daily Show, Kids in Hall, etc. that have come together and share their stories of failed works that never made to air.

From the intro:

Rejection can and should be your ally. No matter what kind of work or art you do, no one can tell you that what you have is not good enough. Only YOU can say when you have failed. Each level of success opens up a whole new set of rejections and failures that we have to face. The cycle never ends, but we can find ways to adjust with each new experience.

SNOW DAY

As much as I wanted to ride my bike to work...today was not the day to do so. Funny thing is, most people stayed home anyway. Could I have stayed home too? Probably. I probably should've too, but it really doesn't matter now.

All and all, though, I had a great day. Ran five miles before AND after work (ten miles!). I ate well. I got shit done. What more could I really ask for...